Learning to Love & Trust Again After Divorce or Break Up

Learning to Love & Trust Again After Divorce or Break Up

How to learn to trust someone again after divorce or break up is something I get asked quite a lot by my clients. It’s something that I know is hard, it’s a leap of faith, an extension of disbelief, a willingness to allow yourself to be vulnerable and be open to potential hurt again that is so very difficult. Trust is fragile. As the saying goes, trust is hard to build and easy to break—so handle it with care.

What is Trust?

What is trust essentially? When you trust someone, it means that you think they are reliable, you have confidence in them and you feel safe with them physically and emotionally. It goes beyond just trusting them to be faithful and not cheat. It’s more that trust is something that two people in a relationship can build together. You can’t demand or prove trust, that’s just not how it works. Its a choice that you make, and they make. Or not.

Why is it so Hard?

We’re all carrying our pasts around with us in some way. Let’s face it, if you’re a woman in your 40s and beyond the chances are you’ve had your heart broken or been through some bad experiences; or both. When that happens, we just want to protect ourselves and not open ourselves up to anyone new again. We would rather do anything than go through that level of pain again. I mean, if you’ve been let down before, you’d be an idiot to do it again, right? Sorry sweetheart, but wrong.

So Why Trust?

What’s the secret? Honestly, what I know for sure, is that the ONLY way you will be happy in a new relationship is to trust. Let’s look at the alternatives.

If you don’t trust someone, you will convey that to them that they really have nothing to lose by not being trustworthy. If they are constantly being accused of being dishonest, unfaithful, etc. eventually the chances are they will prove you right.

You will also never really be truly intimate…have those moments where your eyes connect and you learn them, enjoy them. You will sacrifice that magic that comes from letting your guard down, being your true self, and allowing someone to see you for all your beauty, grit and grace.

Love will elude you, be something out of reach. Trust is essential for love to flourish, it’s the very foundation. To really love someone, you need two things – the chemistry needs to be there, and you need to believe in them as a sound and decent human; you need to trust their integrity and morals and value them.

You won’t be part of a team, part of a pair. You could be in a relationship that makes you feel alone which is a very lonely place indeed.

How Do You Learn To Trust Again?

The beginning months of a relationship often feel like one big guessing game. You’re trying  to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling, and they are doing the same back. This is also the most important time to start building up trust. Transparency can go a long way in providing comfort and clarity.

If you’re open and honest, it’s so much easier for the other person to be the same and for you to start trusting each other. Share. Talk. Laugh. Let go a little…then do it again. And again.

And essentially extend your belief and trust them. It’s the only way to do it. I know it’s scary, and I know you might feel scared of being hurt again. But it’s the only way. If they’re a good person, it’ll be so worth it and the relationship stands a real chance. If you try to control their behaviour or actions in any way, you will never truly know their intentions. Rather, if you trust them and let them be themselves, you will see what they really think of you through their actions.

One Last Word

One last word that’s worth remembering. If you partner doesn’t trust you, it’s more about them than it is about you. It’s not a reflection of your integrity or character and more to do with their past hurts, baggage and perception.

We all have a preferred way that we love and receive love, and all you can do is not to let their doubt erode your sense of self. Carry on expressing your love and commitment and if they can learn to receive it as you intend it then you can shape their understanding. They are much more likely to feel valued.

If not, then they are simply not ready to trust and love again. You can’t make that decision for someone. But instead celebrate that you are ready. That’s wonderful and you will find that again, and you’ll know when you have.

If you would like to hang out with the most gorgeous, beautiful, powerful, caring, mature women for a few hours and take time off from the rest of the world, then you NEED to come to one of our Sassy Ever After Live Events. The free bubbles and Sassy Gift bags are a bonus, but the inspiration and motivation is the best. Click HERE or on the link below to see when and where the next Sassy Event Live events are – would love to see you there! Kate xx

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Or Click HERE to pop to my YouTube Channel for some Sassy Videos

 

Listen More To Your Intuition…It’s Trying To Tell You Something

Listen More To Your Intuition…It’s Trying To Tell You Something

The weird, squidgy urge. A stab in your tummy. A funny tingle. That little voice in your head. This is your intuition, this is your gut talking to you… Listen more to your intuition, it’s trying to tell you something.

What I know for sure is that my body has a way of telling me when something is up, not with my body itself, but my intuition tells me to realign, to make an adjustment, a kind of warning signal that something isn’t right.

You see there are 3 ways of making decisions or choices in life.

The first one is your head. Rational & sensible decisions based on facts and figures. We sometimes do that but only when presented to us and our emotions aren’t involved.

The second one is we ask our tribe – our friends, our sisters, our mum. They love us and they will tell us what they think is right.

But the last one is our gut, our intuition. That feeling that something isn’t as it should be, a warning ⚠️ system that we’re making a boo boo.

How many times have you looked back and thought “I knew it wasn’t right”? So why don’t we listen, why don’t we trust it more?

It doesn’t lead us wrong… it’s our inbuilt alarm, our lighthouse, our guidance, our maps.

So here are my top 5 reasons to listen to your intuition more:

1. Better Safe Than Sorry

If you’re experiencing an ”off”  feeling about someone or something, the safest route would be to at least acknowledge it. Maybe you’ll decide to go against it anyway, but try not to brush it off without considering why you’re getting that feeling in the first place

2. Maybe It’s Telling You Something You Already Know

For example, you kind of already know you don’t want the job you just interviewed for, but it doesn’t seem right to turn it down. Your intuition will just give you a little push in the direction you should be going anyway— back to job searching.

3. The More You Listen the Stronger It Will Get

Like a muscle, your intuition will become more and more reliable the more use it. You’ll come to understand yourself better and figure out what your feelings mean in a variety of different situations.

4. You May Notice The Same Opportunities Keep Knocking On Your Door

Try to recognise that your intuition is trying to talk to you when same opportunity keeps knocking on my door again and again. When your intuition tries to communicate with you, it may try to get your attention by forcing you to notice little patterns throughout your life. Been wanting to start your own business, but afraid to take the leap of faith? Your intuition may subtly let you notice certain articles or offices to rent to help get your attention.

5. You May Notice Your Thoughts Are Being Pulled In A Certain Direction

Your intuition is usually always there to guide you in the right direction, but sometimes you miss the signs or choose to ignore them. However, if you continue to notice that your brain wanders back to a particular thought, then you might want to slow down and investigate why you’re feeling this way. Pay particular attention to when you feel pulled by something that seems a tad weird or surprising.

What Does an Instinct Feel Like?

Positive and affirming instincts are often accompanied by:

  • A sense of calm in your chest
  • A sense of warmth
  • Ability to breathe more easily
  • Sharp clarity of hearing or vision
  • A wave of goose bumps, tingles or “fluttery” sensations
  • Relaxation in the gut and shoulders

Negative or warning instincts are often accompanied by:

  • Feeling suddenly cold or chilly
  • Pain in your tummy or chest
  • Nausea
  • A sense of being on “high alert”
  • Tiredness or feeling low-energy
  • Headaches

If you would like to hang out with the most gorgeous, beautiful, powerful, caring, mature women for a few hours and take time off from the rest of the world, then you NEED to come to one of our Sassy Ever After Live Events. The free bubbles and Sassy Gift bags are a bonus, but the inspiration and motivation is the best. Click HERE or on the link below to see when and where the next Sassy Event Live events are – would love to see you there! Kate xx

Live Events

So What I’m Not a Millennial….I’m no Less a Woman!

So What I’m Not a Millennial….I’m no Less a Woman!

Just because I am no longer in my 20s does that mean I don’t count anymore, that talk around women’s issues should not include mature women?

I’ve been doing a lot of research recently into different issues affecting women – everything from social media affects on body image to unsolicited images sent online – and every article and piece of writing talks about the impact on millennial women. Nearly every discussion ends at the age of 25 – or maximum 28.

And here’s the problem with that. I know that models and 20 year-olds are prolific on some social media platforms…but there are some places that mature women want to discuss issues too, to count us in.

FYI we’re not all bitter, old hags

We’re not all searching for lost youth and pining for our younger years. Ask a group of us and you’ll be surprised to hear that most women genuinely love their 40s and 50s far more than their 20s and 30s. I know I do, and that I finally know who I am and what makes me happy. I’m secure in my self, happy in my skin, and finally at peace with my body.

Getting old is not a plot twist

The desire for everlasting youth is a storyline as old as time. – and it starts with fairytales – the wicked queen in Snow White, Mother Gothel in Tangled, and more – are thoroughly nasty (obviously) and meet bad ends because they prize beauty above all else. Each wicked stepmother, evil woman, and older character is fearful of growing old and gripped by consuming envy of younger and more beautiful girls. The conclusion? They all end the same way – in tears – every time.

The truth

The truth is not all women want to be younger. I wouldn’t want to go back to being the 20-year-old me (give or take the ability to eat loads and burn off a gazillion calories) for love or money. There ARE issues that affect younger women that affect us too,  but the media is not talking about us.  We are largely excluded from research, and our voice is not heard. This needs to change.

Sexual harassment happens to us too. Body image issues affect us. Comparing ourselves to others on social media is a thing. Dating is something we single girls do. Worrying about careers and business is important, and so much more.

But here’s what Google knows

Here is what Google knows about the media and older women… If you Google “Issues or problems facing women over 40” you are going to get a whole list of health issues – from leaking bladders to menopause to breast cancer. Just our bodies failing. That’s pretty much it. Not about our emotions or our lives, or relationships or our dreams.

Google “problems faving millennials” and you will get a list that includes relationship problems, career issues, being a homeowner, eating disorders, body dysmorphia, coping with anxiety, etc. in fact a whole range of issues. Diverse as life itself.

So what do we do about this?

We start talking about things that affect us. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. Talking about issues and problems,  life, dreams, desires, and everything in between. We start commenting on articles about the need for us to be included in the dialogue, and if necessary start it ourselves.

Here is one of my latest Sassy 60 short videos on an issue we should be talking about: https://youtu.be/o_NhaWAauoU

Let’s stand up and be counted, whatever age we are.

 

If you would like to hang out with the most gorgeous, beautiful, powerful, caring, mature women for a few hours and take time off from the rest of the world, then you NEED to come to one of our Sassy Ever After Live Events. The free bubbles and Sassy Gift bags are a bonus, but the inspiration and motivation is the best. Click HERE or on the link below to see when and where the next Sassy Event Live events are – would love to see you there! Kate xx

Live Events

 

 

 

Beware of the Invisible Mother!

Beware of the Invisible Mother!

10 years. I promise you. 10 whole years and my kids don’t remember me being there on a single holiday. They look back and where am I? Nowhere to be seen. I had become the invisible mother, and I didn’t know it.

I was the one behind the camera not in front of it. My kids don’t even remember me being there because every time they look at photos I was absent. Invisible. Silent

And it wasn’t fair

It’s not that they didn’t want me in the photos, quite the opposite they would ask me to join them. But I would always hesitate, make some excuse and back away. To be really blunt, I hated the way I looked back then. I wouldn’t even want to look at myself in a mirror (and I know I’m not the only one). I would even avoid going to shops where they would have mirrors dotted around the store so you could try things on – was so worried about catching a glimpse of that frumpy, middle-aged woman. Scared that it was who I really was.

I know it’s hard being a mum. We don’t always get time to do make up (let alone hair – hello mum-bun!). The kids need us. Our partners need us. The house…our parents…the pets…our jobs….and…and…and….

But we cannot be bottom of the pile. It’s just not fair. We do need to get in those pictures. Create those memories. Our children need those memories of us holding them, laughing with them, treasuring them.  They need to see us open and vulnerable and accepting of ourselves or what are we really teaching them? Showing them that they shouldn’t love their bodies or it’s not ok to be imperfect? We know that’s not what we want.

 

They will one day want to show THEIR children that yes, sorry, they did get granny’s big nose, or look – you have her smile, or her green eyes. They want to know that this was the woman who sat up all night every night they were poorly, or held their hand when they were scared. Remember us when we were young.

I have never once looked at a photo of my mother and seen bad hair, or extra weight around the middle. I’ve never looked at pictures of my childhood and thought – she could have made one effort! I see her with my brother and me, smiling and enjoying our lives together.

I want my children to look back and just see how LOVED they were.

 

Are you an invisible mother?

Have you ever felt like this? Ashamed of how you look and out of love with your body? Do you have a lack of self-confidence and faith in yourself? Do you take the photos rather than be in them? Ever have days where you feel worthless and just so unhappy but don’t know why?

 

I know how you feel. I honestly felt the same. I hit rock bottom 2 years ago and I just decided no more. Not only was I going to fall in love with my body (and myself) again, but I was also going to be loud and proud in my children’s lives and show them what it means to be a confident, happy and secure woman. And I found a way to do it.

 

What I know for sure

What I know for sure is that we only have one body, one life and we should love ourselves. In a world where we are told what we should look like, it takes courage and bravery to be happy with exactly who you are, but happiness is an inside job. No one has the power to make you happy except YOU.

 

What can you do right now to stop being invisible?

Follow these 3 steps right away to start your journey back to a peaceful relationship with yourself, your body, and how you view yourself:

1) Love the body you have, not the body you wish you had. Curves and all. Skinny knees and all. Flat boobs, big boobs, saggy boobs, whatever. Your body is your friend, honour it, look after it and it will do so much more for you.

2) Learn how to take a good selfie. Seriously, this is a thing. It’s about lighting, and angles and knowing how you look best. Fall in love with your best side, your best features and you will learn to be much more comfortable with other people taking pictures of you too. Then take loads of pictures!!! I mean all the time… with your kids, on your own and let it become normal again.

3) Call in the professionals. You would be surprised how accessible great make up artists are, and how little it will actually cost you for a make up lesson (especially at some of the top brands where the cost of the lesson is redeemable against products). And… you will save so much on buying make up that doesn’t suit your skin type, features, or colouring.

 

Would you like me to hold your hand and guide you?

Learning about confidence, inside and outside sassiness, self faith, and falling in love with yourself are all things I will guide and teach you in my signature Sassy Ever After programme. And I get it, I understand how you feel, you’re not used to putting yourself first.  I used to feel like I couldn’t afford to invest in me, like everyone else (especially the kids) had to take priority. But what I found is that the happier I was, the happier they were. The more frustrated and ‘down’ I was then they were too. The time I spent on working on me has paid back a hundred-fold – just ask my kids!

 

If it’s time for you now, if it’s time to draw that line in the sand. If enough is enough and you want more happiness, joy, love, self-acceptance, and sassiness in your life click HERE to go straight to my Sassy Ever After signature programme

Would you like to talk to me? Need some advice on the best way forward for you and to learn more…click HERE and book a Sass Restoration Call today

 

 

 

 

Happiness is an Inside Job

Happiness is an Inside Job

Most of us have been brought up to believe that some kind of external validation – be it relationship, achievement, or ‘thing’ will make us happy. And as soon as we own it, or have achieved it, well then…and only then… we will be happy. But far from it. Happiness is an inside job. It begins and ends with you, my darling girl.

We get attached to future events

So many people get caught up in the ‘once’, ‘when’, and ‘if’ stories that they create around happiness. I’ll be happy when I lose 2 dress sizes. Having the right job will make me happy. Once I have a partner (or a better one) I’ll be happy. What I know for sure darling, from the bottom of my heart, is that if you are waiting for something external (or someone) to connect you to your happiness, it will always elude you. Our wishes and desires never end, and as long as we are looking for them to validate our feelings or make us feel whole, we simply never will.

The other problem is that if you are waiting for someone else to come along and make you happy, for example you’re waiting for this ‘knight in shining armour’ to sweep into your life and rescue you, you are giving them the ultimate power. If they can ‘make’ you happy, they can also, therefore, make you unhappy too. No prizes for guessing why that would be a problem. No one else should be given the power make you happy (or unhappy), it really is an inside job.

So other people don’t matter?

No, it doesn’t mean that other people’s words and actions can’t trigger a reaction in you – of course they can – but how you let them affect you is up to you. It’s your choice. No one can make you feel anything you don’t give them permission to.

You can also choose how long you let them affect you for. I have a 5-minute rule that states that when things go wrong, or bad things happen (as they will to everyone on the planet), you get to behave badly for 5 minutes – and I mean as badly as you want. And I mean really badly – the kind of lying-on-the-floor-having-a-hissy-fit badly. But then after that time has passed you bounce back, draw a line underneath it and move on. You’re done! It’s a great tool to happiness.

So what does actually make us happy?

As I mentioned, happiness is an inside job. It’s also a result of being in the present moment, and being connected with ourselves. It’s almost a by-product of being love and compassionate with ourselves – of investing in ourselves, our desires, looking after our needs, and investing in our mindset and our health. And by this, I’m not implying the need to be selfish (see feed your fairy below) but more about being assured of your self-worth, being self focused enough to make sure that you, yourself, are ok sweetheart.

It’s also about experiencing the now, appreciating the beauty in the everyday as well as the extraordinary, and practicing gratitude for it.  Every moment that you spend looking to control other people, events, and the future is a moment of life that is lost and will never come back. If you are looking back you can feel anxious-guilt or regret; looking to the future and you might experience stress-anxiety or worry. Living in the now carries neither of these and is where happiness is created.

Happiness is a choice

Happiness is not something that happens to you when you are passively sitting there minding your own business. It’s something that you choose or don’t choose every moment. Research shows us that how we start our day is quite often how it continues. So why not choose something in the morning that sets your day up right? For me it’s setting the alarm 15 minutes early and meditating and feeling grounded. For others it might be going for a walk or practicing gratitude. Whatever it is, the point is to be aware of what starts your day off right.

Feed your fairy

Fairies love lightness, colour, and enchanting music. They are the little ethereal-lit beings that live inside of us. Almost like Tinkerbell in the movie ‘Hook’ who dies a little every time someone says that they don’t’ believe in fairies; our own fairies die a little with negativity, negative self-talk, mundane every day stresses, anxiety, worthless emotions, gossip, etc.

Our fairies are the parts of us that bring us joy, make us feel peaceful, alive, energized, happy…and well it’s a part of feeling SASSY too. When are fairies are bright & shining, life seems to get sprinkled with fairy dust, everything seems to be better – food is more delicious, the sunshine more radiant, work more productive, the party becomes more entertaining, etc.

So if we know what is killing our fairies, what makes them alive? Well, first of all, it’s so important to note that feeding our fairies should be a daily thing. We have 1,440 minutes each day – what’s 20 or 30 minutes (or even an hour) to feed our fairies when we know that it’s going make everything else more joyful and enjoyable for us. Seriously, sweetheart, take a few minutes of every day to do this and life becomes so much better?

Well, it’s a personal thing really to see what feeds your own fairy. Mine is fed on playing the piano, laughing with my children, singing in a choir, reading books, meditation, journaling, spending time in my hammock (don’t ask ;)) and being in nature, and listening to classical music (as I’m doing now as I write this worksheet – my creative fairy comes alive).

So what does YOUR fairy eat?

What your fairy likes to eat, depends on you. What brings you joy? What has brought you joy in your life – even as a little girl? What have you always wanted to try? These things don’t need to cost the earth, they don’t even need to take much time…but do them DAILY and you will see how they will massively boost your positivity, happiness and JOY in just one short week.

Now imagine that you do this every day for a month? WOW, just imagine if you did it every day for a year? How would you feel? What difference would it make in your life? I promise you, it will make your fairy shine bright and sing!!

Choose to move into self-love and compassion for yourself, and kindness and love for others to. Practice gratitude for what you are, and what/who you have in your life, feed your fairy every day and discover your happiness in the right now.

Click HERE to read my post all about “Feed Your Fairy”

Would you still love more?

If you would like to lean a bit more about this, then please click on the link below and watch my latest YouTube Video on the subject (and I would super-duper grateful if you subscribed to my channel too so that you can see future videos).

 

Happiness is something that I talk about a lot at my Sassy Ever After Live! Events. This is is just what you need – an afternoon of empowerment, fun, laughter, girlie escape, bubbles, gifts, and more…. right? So HERE is the link to our events page so you can have a look when the very next Sassy Ever After LIVE! Event is near you. I cannot wait to see you there!! Lots of love, Kate <3 

Live Events

Oooh – and a quick question… are you already in my Fab& FREE Coaching Group on Facebook? If not sweetheart, just click HERE and join now. YEY – see you there! Kate x

What is a Sassy Ever After LIVE! Event?

What is a Sassy Ever After LIVE! Event?

A Sassy Ever After Live Event – is the living & breathing face-to-face version of my proven signature programme… but it’s so much more than that here’s why.

Greeting (I’m a hugger)

As soon as you come to any of our Sassy Every After Live events – you will find me in the reception first and foremost. It’s so lucky that I know so many of you from my social media, but I LOVE meeting you in person and giving you a hug (if you’re a hugger, no problem if you’re not). It gives me a chance to thank you for first and foremost for coming, but also for watching my videos, being a member in the group, etc. I just appreciate it so very much and I am so thankful that I get to meet you in person. Come over and introduce yourself – I would be so happy to put a name to the face

You Will Make Beautiful Friends

One of the things I honestly found most special, since the very first event, is that every single person in that room left having made some really special friends. That’s what it’s about. Not just myself or the guest speakers but meeting other amazing women who are on a similar journey to you too. It means other women who have your back, who support and cheer you on. Together we rise <3

 

Sassy Gift Bags & Bubbles

None of the Sassy Ever After LIVE events would be complete without a beautiful Sassy Gift Bag. It can be chocolates, luxury cosmetics, hand made soaps, vouchers for self defence classes, discounts on exclusive lingerie, sweeties, perfume, and so much more… every time is different. The most important thing to know is that I prepare these for you so you feel cherished. You know that I want to give you a treat, some love, and something girlie and nice. Ooh and did I mention free bubbles too? You always get a glass of chilled Prosecco when you arrive – it’s a thing 😉

My Top Secrets To Unleash Your Sass

This was my signature talk at the Sheffield event…. talking about my journey from obese, depressed, and in -pain and hopeless “failure” to where I am today – full of my top tips to unleash your SASS. It’s a different signature talk every time though – so if you came to one event – there is always something new & exciting  – always based around feeling SASSIER, happier, more energised, and empowered.

It’s all about the sass girlies!

Feed Your Fairies

This is one of my newest talks that I just love, love, love!! Looking after yourself, feeding your soul and your happiness daily – investing in  yourself is the best investment you will ever make – and you can then help and guide others in your life to make a positive impact on yourself first. But it all starts with you, your positive self talk, and your own self faith and self value.

Guest Speakers

The first event we had the beautiful Natalie Mosley from Lucy May Lingerie talking about female sensuality, escapism, and how lingerie should fit us to make us feel sassy and sexy. Every event there are new guest speakers to add another dimension to feeling Sassy Ever After….

It’s YOU Time…

But above all, it’s time out from the world. It’s a few hours of fun & laughter… a few hours of bubbles & giggles… a few hours of YOU time.

So what next? I’m sure you’re thinking by now, that this sounds fab, and is just what you need – an afternoon of empowerment, fun, laughter, girlie escape, bubbles, gifts, and more…. right? So HERE is the link to our events page so you can have a look when the very next Sassy Ever After LIVE! Event is near you. I cannot wait to see you there!! Lots of love, Kate <3 

 

Live Events

 

Oooh – and a quick question… are you already in my Fab& FREE Coaching Group on Facebook? If not sweetheart, just click HERE and join now. YEY – see you there! Kate x

 

 

 

Life Lessons from a Weekend in Paris

Life Lessons from a Weekend in Paris

Sometimes, the seemingly spontaneous can bring about the most profound life lessons. This is certainly what I found to be true from a last-minute and unplanned trip to Paris for the weekend. When you’re not always in control, or not always thinking (or rather over-thinking) ahead of time, that blasé moment of almost gung ho-like fun opens up your mind and frees your soul to learn and grow. Here’s what I learned…

Look up

Hitting the streets of Paris for the very first time (I know, where have I been, right?) the smell and excitement of this vibrant city hits you straight away. Paris has its own ambiance, smell and sounds that I’ve never seen replicated elsewhere.

As you leave the metro in the heart of this cultural city, the pulse just envelops you and engulfs your senses like no other place. But carry on looking down and you’re missing a trick! Up above your head are layers-upon-layers of apartments, balconies and roof terraces. You might also entirely miss some of the most exquisite architectural features and beautiful blooms cascading down.

For me this was a lesson in just taking time, not always being in a hurry. Just be present in the moment, appreciate the small things, and be grateful for everything that surrounds you. Just stand still, and breathe….

 

You never know where there is hidden beauty look through not just at the obvious façade.

Strolling through the narrow streets and passages of downtown Paris, you will see some beautifully-ornate doors, so plain ones, huge metal ones, tiny painted ones, etc. as you would in any major city. But in Paris, you can sometimes spy the unexpected, if you just take the time to look. Have an impish peep through a cut-out silhouette in the front and you might just see a whole secret and glorious world – lavish architecture, the most divine floral cascades from tubs and balconies, or even a building more impressive and grand than the outside would ever imply.

It made me realise that we often do this so much in life – take things and even people who are seemingly ordinary or boring and never look for that excitement; never dig deeper or investigate for those hidden gems.

If you think about someone you now know well – maybe your partner, or your boss – think about your first impressions of them – most likely you see them a completely different light than the way you initially met him or her? This is what we need to do more as a habit, extend our disbelief and judgement until we get to know people better. They may be our new best friend or even the love of our life. You just never know. Look for the extraordinary.

 

Go with the flow of life sometimes dont be too tense

Each city has a flow, a pace of life, a way of living that is unique. Parisians are always in a hurry and each minute seems to be precious – just look at how they drive and cross streets and you’ll see this in action – everyone has to get everywhere, first, and right now!!

However, they also enjoy life so much…great food, café lifestyle, staying in bars until late and night, and generally being out of the house and socialising. If you go to Paris and ignore the way they live, your visit might be awkward and harassed – and you would find yourself getting frustrated and annoyed at the noise, the traffic and the general hustle and bustle.

But, submit to it.  Go with the flow. Allow yourself to be swept along with the culture and lifestyle. It’s all too tempting to be a bit rigid and to know who we are and what we love (and stick to it), but then you miss out on the possibilities to grow and take on board something unconventional or unfamiliar.

By letting other people show you and guide you, submit and submerge yourself in a different lifestyle- even for the shortest time – you allow yourself to learn not just something new but another pocket of your own personality, or another facet of who you are.

I went home a happier and more excited girlie – a heart full of love and joy.

 

Try something a new way to travel you might just love it

Ok, so somehow I got to the age of 44 and have never been on a motorbike or scooter – and this weekend I ended up on the back of both – zooming through a crazy city and dodging in and out of cars like I’ve always been doing it my whole life.

For me, this taught me that sometimes we don’t always travel in the best way – there might just be a better way of doing things – something faster, lighter and without all the baggage that you’re used to. Letting go of your own pre-conceived notions of the ‘ideal’ and you might discover something so much more efficient (and maybe more fun and joyful too!).

 

Youre not always the expert learn from the natives

For those of us who are generally control freaks (you know who are 😉 ) it can be very difficult to hand over control and decisions to others. We sometimes feel if we just keep all the reins to ourself, we will steer better than anyone else and, quite frankly, you just know best.

This weekend I submitted, entirely, and wholeheartedly to someone else’s judgement, knowledge, and ideas. And guess what? It was an absolutely refreshing change. I not only got to see parts of Paris that I would never ever have seen, but I saw parts of my personality that I had never seen. By allowing someone else to make all the decisions, I became free, almost child-like in my ability to enjoy. I talked less, and listened more, and learned… it was almost like time off from adulting and I came back rejuvenated and invigorated.

When was the last time you did something fun and extraordinary? Just because…

 

So what now?

If you enjoyed this post, then why not come and meet me in person? I’m doing LIVE events up and down the UK and we talk about body confidence and self love as well as positive self talk (as well as have LOADS OF FUN, drink bubbles, get some free gifts, and hang out with inspiring and empowering women!). Click HERE or on the link below to see what live events are coming up in your area. I would love to see you there! Kate xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How To Improve Your Body Confidence: My Top Tips

How To Improve Your Body Confidence: My Top Tips

How is your current body confidence? What do you feel when you look at your body in the mirror? Do you actually look at your body in the mirror at all?

Poor body image is something that so many women struggle with, it can almost cripple our confidence and affect how we feel daily – how we look and feel in our clothes, whether or not we date, and even our confidence at work – all because how we feel we “should” look or how we believe that others see us. But where does this “should” come from?

The role of the media in body confidence

The media has a big role in this – which is old news. But it’s the sheer volume of images and exposure that has dramatically increased – especially with us checking into social media so often every single day. Instagram where we see these perfect women in their amazing outfits; Facebook where we are bombarded with adverts and posts about weight loss products, diet pills and more.

Advertising preys on our insecurities too –  making us feel like we need to fix our imperfections – our body shape, size of bum, skin tone, even the amount of hair we have on our bodies.

And somehow, we’re led to believe that being ashamed about our bodies, or not loving our bodies, is a sign of modesty? When actually it can be so damaging to your self esteem and how you truly feel about yourself. Isn’t it time to love the bodies we ACTUALLY have, rather than wanting to have someone else’s or start our lives when we’ve just managed to lose that stone… or two… or three…?

So how can we start to feel better? How can we feel more body confident? To love the body that we’re actually in rather than the one we think we would prefer?

Here are my top tips to improve your body confidence:

Treat your body with respect

Your body has got you where you are today. It’s carried you so far and will do even more for you if you do things back – wonderful nutrition, sleep, enough water, etc. and it will heal and thrive and do what you need – if that makes sense? If we deprive our body from what it needs, how can we expect it to work at its best. Take time and look after yourself.

Touch your body with affection

If you want to love your body more, then touch it more. Get to know it for what it really is, not just in your imagination. When you jump out of the bath or shower, smother yourself in a lovely body cream and give yourself  a bit of a massage. Glowing skin all over goes a long way to looking and feeling great.

Find exercise that you love

We all know that exercise is a certified mood booster. When the happy hormones, it’ll give you an instant lift. Consistency is key so find something that you really love. For me, it’s boxing which makes me feel great and I love going twice a week – it makes me do it for the love of the sport not just for weight loss or the even vaguer “fitness”.

For you it might be Zumba, spinning, running with your dog… but start, my darling girl, and keep on going. It’s so worth it.

Love your imperfections

I have big, but short, legs. Really. Seriously. But I learned to find jeans that make them look longer and leaner and when I put on a pair of heels then – wow! I don’t mean you have to emphasise them or even try try to hide them, but just accept them and make them work for you. Some of what you hate you would be surprised – your partner might just love the most! It might be that little lip between your bum and thigh that drives him wild or the dimples at the back of your knees – ask him, you might just be surprised.

What do you actually love?

Don’t focus on just on the ‘worst’ bits…start with one thing that you love about your body and go from there. For example, if you have great hair then invest in that – make sure you go to the hairdresser regularly and invest in great hair care – turn it into a feature. Or it might be that you’ve got knockout boobs…awesome, then lingerie is the money and time investment for you. If you can just love that one feature and then go from there.

Don’t worry about the invisible bits that no one sees or cares about

You may think that your body is a network of scars or filled all over with lumps and bumps, but others are just not aware of them. Seriously, they just don’t see them.  I interviewed some men recently about this very subject and got answers raining from they love the imperfections to “what imperfection?”. It just shows you…

Consciously follow people on social media with a positive body message

I recently posted in my coaching group about a woman that I follow on social media called Jenna Kutchner. I follow her because she is who she is and is a curvy woman that’s not scared of showing her body exactly the way that she is and celebrates her fuller figure. I just love her.

Stay away from harsh mirrors

Seriously. Just don’t go near them. Find the shops that have horrid mirrors and harsh lighting and just avoid them. The end.

Replace negative thoughts with positive ones

I have a “Snapp Happy” band that I wear around my wrist. If I start running self-doubting or negative thoughts through my mind, I snap the band and replace the thought with a positive one (FYI Snapp Sassy bands will be available to buy soon at our Live! events, see the bottom of this blog for a link). They are great because it’s a very easy way to ‘snap’ out of negative thoughts and stop a potentially downward spiral. Being positive is not about never having a negative thought – it’s about not letting a negative thought turn into a negative day and then week, etc.

(Click HERE for info on Snapp Happy Bands)

So what now?

If you enjoyed this post, then why not come and meet me in person? I’m doing LIVE events up and down the UK and we talk about body confidence and self love as well as positive self talk (as well as have LOADS OF FUN, drink bubbles, get some free gifts, and hang out with inspiring and empowering women!). Click HERE or on the link below to see what live events are coming up in your area. I would love to see you there! Kate xx

 

Live Events

 

 

How To Feel Happier As a Woman: Feed Your Fairy

How To Feel Happier As a Woman: Feed Your Fairy

We all want to feel happier as a woman, we want to feel empowered, energised and get our creative juices flowing. My simple answer is to Feed Your Fairy. Let me explain.

Fairies love lightness, colour, and enchanting music. They are the little ethereal-lit beings that live inside of us. Almost like Tinkerbell in the movie ‘Hook’ who dies a little every time someone says that they don’t’ believe in fairies; our own fairies die a little with negativity, negative self-talk, mundane every day stresses, anxiety, worthless emotions, gossip, etc.

Our fairy are the parts of us that bring us joy, make us feel peaceful, alive, energized, happy…and well it’s a part of feeling SASSY too. When our fairies are bright & shining, life seems to get sprinkled with fairy dust, everything seems to be better – food is more delicious, the sunshine more radiant, work more productive, the party becomes more entertaining, etc.

So if we know what is killing our fairy, what makes them alive? Well, first of all, it’s so important to note that feeding our fairy should be a daily thing. We have 1,440 minutes each day – what’s 20 or 30 minutes (or even an hour) to feed our fairies when we know that it’s going make everything else more joyful and enjoyable for us. Seriously, sweetheart, take a few minutes of every day to do this and life becomes so much better?

It really is a personal thing really to see what feeds your own fairy. Mine is fed on playing the piano, laughing with my children, singing in a choir, reading books, meditation, journaling, spending time in my hammock (don’t ask ;)),  being in nature, and listening to classical music (as I’m doing now as I write this – my creative fairy comes alive).

What your fairy likes to feed on, depends on you. What brings you joy? What has brought you joy in your life – even as a little girl? What have you always wanted to try? These things don’t need to cost the earth, they don’t even need to take much time…but do them DAILY and you will see how they will massively boost your positivity, happiness and JOY in just one short week.

Now imagine that you do this every day for a month? WOW, just imagine if you did it every day for a year? How would you feel? What difference would it make in your life? I promise you, it will make your fairy shine bright and sing!!

 

Here is a quick video that I made that explains a bit more about how to Feed Your Fairy

For more tips, advice and live videos, connect with me in my Facebook group by adding this link into your browser:

If, like me, you need help to feel Sassy and Happy again, please click on the link below to check out my Sassy Ever After Group Programme.

If you would like to join my SASSY NEWS and be the first to know about live events, new programmes, offers, advice, videos, and more then just click HERE my lovely.

Lots of love, Kate xx

I do believe in Fairies

How to Cure Yourself of Comparatitus

How to Cure Yourself of Comparatitus

To learn how to cure yourself of comparatitus (comparing yourself to others), you have to understand first, and foremost, that it does NOT SERVE YOU in any way, shape or form sweetheart.

The problem with comparing yourself to others is that there is absolutely NOTHING TO GAIN and yet EVERYTHING TO LOSE (pride, dignity, motivation, etc.) – it only takes away from life. Comparatitus is literally the thief of all happiness. It will drop your confidence and bring out darker emotions like jealousy, inadequacy, anxiety, and stress.

So how to do we stop this destructive habit (and believe me, it is a habit, and can be ‘unlearned’ like other habits)

Here are my top tips to Cure Yourself of Comparatitus today:

1. Be aware (i.e. conscious) that you do this.

The first step in changing any habit is always to be aware that you do this. It’s important to consciously pay attention for the next few days so you can see how prevalent an issue this is currently in your life.

2. Identify your triggers and avoid them.

Social media is a big culprit for this one. There may be certain types of posts, and/or certain people, that trigger your comparatitus. You need to identify these triggers and consciously avoid them.

3. Don’t feel bad or berate yourself

It’s normal, it really is. We have ALL done it – or are still doing it. Don’t make yourself feel bad. The secret is to stop this habit rather than to give yourself a hard time about it.

4. Remind yourself that other people’s “outsides” can’t be compared to your “inside”.

Please remember that with the exception of very (very) few people, you will only know the ‘highlight reel’ of their lives – i.e. the stuff that they want you to see. They are showing you the shiny outside of their lives where everything seems nice and tidy and happy. If you compare your messy inside to their shiny outside you will always come off feeling much worse

5. You are too unique to compare your gifts/talents/successes.

How can you compare your IT skill and brilliance with people, to someone else’s baking and talent for languages? We all have our own particular brand of brilliance, but it will never ever be the exact same as someone else’s.

6. There is no end to the number of possible comparisons – don’t go down the rabbit  hole.

The list is literally endless! You could compare on looks, money, spouse, work, children, size of house, length of hair, newness of car, relationship with in-laws, clarity of skin, etc. it would never, ever end! Which means, that you could never, ever win…the competition would always be there and always keep going so better never to enter in the first place.

7. Repeat where necessary “money can’t buy happiness – and never will”

Some of the richest people I know, are also the unhappiest. I know someone who works in a very exclusive and luxurious resort, designed for the mega rich to unwind, and she’s told me recently that she’s never met a more miserable group of people.

Sure, not worrying about paying bills is great, and getting to go on holiday every year is awesome, but material things alone can never make you happy – they simply give you a very short-term, momentary buzz

8. Be insanely grateful for the good in your life and count your blessings

It’s a fact that negative emotions cannot live in a grateful heart. When we are feeling grateful and counting our blessings, it’s such a beautiful and peaceful thing, that you can’t at the same time harbour darker, more destructive emotions.

Writing down what you are most grateful for before bed has a wonderfully calming effect and can dramatically help towards and anxiety-free sleep. Re-reading them in the morning can start your day off right and induce a positive mood first thing

9. Use comparison to improve what actually matters

Most comparisons will be detrimental to your mood and motivation, but here is a chance to think of some that would actually be beneficial.  Have a think about 5 women that you really admire? They could be someone you actually know or someone famous, or someone that you follow online.

Now what I would like you to do is for the women above, list WHY you admire them, and I would like you to think of a quality/attribute that would INSPIRE you to improve what actually matters – e.g. they could be a great mum, a generous friend, a positive influence in your life, etc.

Use this to inspire and motivate you to improve what actually matters.

10. Identify and then focus on your own strengths

If you’re one of my clients, then we have already looked at your strengths earlier in this programme, so I want you to think about your top 3 from your assessment. If not, just have a think about what your top strengths are and then focus on how they can help you in your life and lead you towards your goals. Leading with your strengths rather than trying to minimise your weaknesses, will help you to flourish and thrive more.

11. Concentrate on the journey – not how you “rank” in comparison

You can’t compare where you are now to where someone else is – they may be on chapter 20 and you’re just on chapter 2 of your journey. Try not to think about it as a league or table of imaginary ‘rankings’ – rather focus on how far along you have come since you started out. (FYI, you have no idea how other women have struggled to get to where they are – it might have taken them twice the time to get where you are than it took you.)

12. Comparisons require metrics – how can we possibly measure what’s important?

How can we possibly measure what’s good in Iife? I order to do an accurate comparison you would need to measure love, or happiness, or success – but there are no possibly measurements (so it would never be an accurate measurement anyway).

13. Realise that comparatitus is making you focus on the wrong person.

When you are comparing yourself to others – you are giving them the energy that would be much better spent on yourself. Focus on YOU, your needs, desires, your journey and what you need to be the best version of you.

14. Know that this isn’t the end of your movie – you still have plenty of time.

If you’re in your 40s, you can pretty much assume that you’re only around half way through. You have so much time to make a fresh start, reinvent yourself, and do something new. You are not a finished work of art yet my lovely, so if there is something you really want to do or become, you have plenty of time to do that.

15. Be your own damn cheerleader.

No one is more important than yourself when it comes to cheerleading. Positive self-talk and self-faith (and congratulations) is like a pill to cure emotional pain.  Every time you say beautiful, kind, and wonderful things to yourself, your subconscious is listening and taking note. Start your day with positive affirmations (like some of the ones we talked about previously in the programme) and celebrate with great cheer all successes and accomplishments – from small to large!

16. Stop “shoulding” yourself.

The universe owes you nothing (sorry to be harsh). Although we grew up on this ideal of a knight in shining armour coming along to rescue us and that we would live happily ever after; the reality is that we need to be realistic about what is not what was supposed to have been. Thinking (or saying) things ‘should’ be different or someone ‘should’ behave in a different way is just a waste of your emotions and energy my darling girl.  Learn to accept what is and you then know the journey you need to go on to reach your goals when you know your true starting point.

17. So something practical to change your mood

Changing your surroundings can prompt a change in mind-set – and when you find comparatitus setting in it’s what you need. Practical thigs you can do include

  • Going for a walk
  • Standing up and stretching
  • Drinking a glass of ice cold water
  • Putting on some amazing music

Whatever it takes, it might just be small, but it just resets your mood, and reminds you to shift the feelings and emotions associated with comparatitus.

To learn more about comparatitus, watch my Youtube video that is all about this subject:

Comparatitus is something that I talk about a lot at my Sassy Ever After Live! Events. This is is just what you need – an afternoon of empowerment, fun, laughter, girlie escape, bubbles, gifts, and more…. right? So HERE is the link to our events page so you can have a look when the very next Sassy Ever After LIVE! Event is near you. I cannot wait to see you there!! Lots of love, Kate <3 

If you would like to join my SASSY NEWS and be the first to know about live events, new programmes, offers, advice, videos, and more then just click HERE my lovely.

Oooh – and a quick question… are you already in my Fab& FREE Coaching Group on Facebook? If not sweetheart, just click HERE and join now. YEY – see you there! Kate x